You know it's really strange that this blog still exists. Back in its formative stages, I kind of assumed it would end up fading away into nothing ala numerous LiveJournals before it. However, its continued existence, besides being baffling, is also an interesting glimpse into my past.

Obviously I'm not the same person anymore. Nothing makes that more clear than reading the content of this blog. I'm now less disciplined than probably any other time in my life. I rarely introspect. I live a more social and less conscious life. And yet I'd say I'm probably happier than at any other point in my life too.

What's the juxtaposition? Should I be searching for a happy medium? Should I go back to being semi-productive and developing myself? Should I fully embrace my laissez faire attitude and let things fall to the wayside?

Every life stage brings me new questions and new insight. I'd at least like to write more again.

I can't wait to get away from Kamloops.

There's something to be said for living too long in the city that you grow up. It has it's ups and it has it's downs, but certainly the negatives must inevitably outweigh the positives so far as growth goes.

On one hand, I do like the safety net feeling of living here, as well as the fact that I can manage money relatively easy. However, the amount of history present, as well as the overwhelming number of people I know, tends to erode the benefits of this safety net. I literally cannot go anywhere without running into someone I know, nor can I just work anywhere without a full history of all my coworkers jumping into the mix.

If Vancouver had anything for me, despite the fact that I was mostly broke, it was the anonymity. Sometimes it's nice to just be a face in the crowd.

On another note, I remember when I used to be a quiet, , shy, soft-spoken person. I wonder where that version of me went.

Today was another day. My continual feeling of stagnation has not decreased at all recently, nor am I any clearer on what exactly I want for myself. I wonder if I'll ever know.

Today I learned that Einstein is continually misquoted in his "love" of God.

Today means Kirsten and I have lived together for a year. What a good year.

Today I went to work and it was unfulfilling. Fortunately I care a lot less about how others regard me there. Furthermore, I'm almost done! Now off to hot tub with Satkin and Bob.

Whoo. I figured out that this week I will try to post everyday, and begin every day with "Today I..." Today I am not excited to go to work. I would rather stay home and figure out what I'm going to do with myself in the long term. But of course I know that if I stay home I won't figure that out. Off to work then.

Today my old guitar buddy Mike dropped by for a short jam! It's been a while since I played music with someone I actually meshed with. Amusingly enough, even Kirsten made a comment to the extent of, "I can tell just from listening to you guys talk that you have chemistry." Alas, he returns to Kelowna tonight and I must play music alone again. The search continues.

I've been having some serious issues trying to decide what direction to go with education/work-wise lately.

On one hand, I really want to complete a subject that's primarily academic, but with real world applications. My natural idea on that is Psychology, but unfortunately the time involved in the degree as well as the completely impractical prerequisites have put me off of following this seriously. I'd also need to do a full masters program to do anything of value. Ultimately I want to complete a masters anyhow, but this places more time between me and moderate financial reward.

Another problem though is I would like to lead into a job that has high reward for minimum effort. Naturally this could either be a boring business job (accounting) or a trade. Spiritually though, this doesn't really mesh with me. It's fairly important to my day to day well being that I follow through with something I at least respect, let alone enjoy. I don't know that a money-earning job that was completely unfulfilling would do this.

There's a plethora of different paths that have popped into my head lately, but the trouble is choosing something of such significant dedication and impact to my future. On the other hand, anything is better than long-term at Denny's.

Probably will write more on this.

Thank goodness for Daylight Savings, or this 4:30am wake up would have been done on even less sleep. Also thank goodness for the sleeping pills that my boss supplied to me for tonight- way to manage your employees!