Today I went to work and it was unfulfilling. Fortunately I care a lot less about how others regard me there. Furthermore, I'm almost done! Now off to hot tub with Satkin and Bob.

Whoo. I figured out that this week I will try to post everyday, and begin every day with "Today I..." Today I am not excited to go to work. I would rather stay home and figure out what I'm going to do with myself in the long term. But of course I know that if I stay home I won't figure that out. Off to work then.

Today my old guitar buddy Mike dropped by for a short jam! It's been a while since I played music with someone I actually meshed with. Amusingly enough, even Kirsten made a comment to the extent of, "I can tell just from listening to you guys talk that you have chemistry." Alas, he returns to Kelowna tonight and I must play music alone again. The search continues.

I've been having some serious issues trying to decide what direction to go with education/work-wise lately.

On one hand, I really want to complete a subject that's primarily academic, but with real world applications. My natural idea on that is Psychology, but unfortunately the time involved in the degree as well as the completely impractical prerequisites have put me off of following this seriously. I'd also need to do a full masters program to do anything of value. Ultimately I want to complete a masters anyhow, but this places more time between me and moderate financial reward.

Another problem though is I would like to lead into a job that has high reward for minimum effort. Naturally this could either be a boring business job (accounting) or a trade. Spiritually though, this doesn't really mesh with me. It's fairly important to my day to day well being that I follow through with something I at least respect, let alone enjoy. I don't know that a money-earning job that was completely unfulfilling would do this.

There's a plethora of different paths that have popped into my head lately, but the trouble is choosing something of such significant dedication and impact to my future. On the other hand, anything is better than long-term at Denny's.

Probably will write more on this.

Thank goodness for Daylight Savings, or this 4:30am wake up would have been done on even less sleep. Also thank goodness for the sleeping pills that my boss supplied to me for tonight- way to manage your employees!

I find something increasingly interesting about seeing the pure talent of others. Whether or not it may qualify as genius, to see someone do something that others could only imagine, and with hardly any effort, I find myself filled with a profusion of mixed emotions. At once I lust, loathe, envy, and am enthralled by such displays. From this, I am halfway inspired to replicate such a display in my own manner but also halfway defeated from ever being able to produce the effort necessary to achieve such prowess.

Unfortunately I simply lack fundamental acumen in any tangible area. I suppose my skill is in being strong in a number of areas (jack of all trades). However, this is endlessly frustrating as it never delineates a clear path for focus.

On the bright side, I can take some mirth in works I have produced in the past; some writing, a decent collection of music, and a few different mediums of art. While certainly none of these are 'great' works, it is nice at times to relish in the accomplishments and creations I have managed. It's nice to know that there are little bits and pieces of my works that exist externally that I don't have to work on any further; just enjoy.

Now if only I could make something that many people could enjoy.

Hello old friend. I might need to write in you a bit in the next while. (Far easier to do when afflicted with insomnia). Hooray?

Well I have an interview tomorrow, so this might actually be my last day of unemployment for a while. However, it has been such a good day.

I got up early and fiddled with songs for the video game. I went out and got a full stock of groceries again. I went rollerblading all through Stanley Park. I walked on the beach barefoot (and through the water). And then to top it off, I came home and sat on my balcony and rocked out on guitar for a good hour and a bit.

Even though sloth is the ultimate de-motivator, once you actually get going, it's amazing how accomplished you can feel just from doing a few things. Or maybe it's the endorphine rush from exercise. Either way, I feel very good. I'm stoked for vacation in Florida next month.

I'm logging this one so I can have a record of actual productivity for the future.

Every now and again, I miss the act of writing. There's something about materializing your thoughts that makes you feel as though you're staking little parts of yourself into the world. You know this isn't the case, but it's the feeling of pure joyous delusion that maybe logic can be overcome by hope and idealism.

In any case, I've had an immense amount of free time to allow my mind to float without limit. I can't say in truth whether I feel that my intellect has eroded and subsided, or whether perhaps it has simply stayed the same (or even cleared?). To my own chagrin, I find myself relatively happy with very little to attribute this to. I will always want more, but I'm okay with my station. I suspect that the ability (and desire) to improve myself is what gives me optimism; it shows me that I have somewhere to go. It shows me that I still have a desire, or a drive somewhere.

Of late also, I've become better at taking my own emotions at face value, rather than subjecting them to a scrutiny of sincerity that one could not possibly discover the truth of for one's self. What I mean is that I'm starting to believe what I say. It's not a question of "Do I mean what I feel?" or "Is this what I'd like to believe that I believe?"

And so you see the joy of abstaining from writing is the sudden zest you can feel from one particular abstruse notation; filled with all the cliches of your normal writing but with everything taking on a fresh feeling simply from lack of use. Truly, I like writing to nobody, but with the potential and means of it being digested by everybody.

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So that's the head space I'm in these days. Maybe I'll add some less vague updates soon.

Well, I'm free now. It's up to me to make the most of this time. We'll see what happens. :)